This week, the focus is on envy/jealousy. Envy can be defined as a resentful desire for an advantage that belongs to someone else. Whereas jealousy is often used to describe hostility toward unfaithfulness, or suspicion of a rival's advantage, envy goes further to desire an advantage and resent those who possess it. While jealousy can't be all bad, since it is used to describe God's character, envy may very well be the paramount evil of our time. What makes envy so powerful and so destructive is it's inherent relationship to resentment.
Nietzsche began using the French word "Ressentiment" in Genealogy of Morals, to describe the weakness or inferiority experienced by the lower classes and how they perceived that the reason for their poor conditions to be the fault of the aristocracy. In Nietzsche's philosophy, the appropriate response is for the aristocracy to put down the lower classes and allow exceptional men to flourish, free from the guilt of how this affected those inferior people. Nietzsche uses the example of lambs being picked off by birds of prey. The lambs resent the birds, because the birds are the source of their misery. The birds on the other hand, do not harbor any bad feelings against the lambs, and, in fact, love the lambs because they taste so delicious. When this is applied to an understanding of morality, it justifies any number of wrongs that the powerful birds of prey may inflict on the lambs.
When we look at the bigger picture of social history, in the ancient world, tribes saw themselves as superior to other groups of people. In war, they would attempt to humiliate the conquered peoples in any way possible. We still see this among warring groups today - the attempt to dehumanize the enemy through torture, slavery, and imprisonment is still pervasive. In the ancient world, the conquered peoples had no recourse for these offenses and the powerful captor is justified like the bird of prey.
In Western society, the opposite outcome has become prevalent; the victim is glorified, and the powerful forces on top are perceived as the source of suffering. While the people on the bottom should ALWAYS be protected from abuse, we've taken to the other extreme, where we seek out reasons to feel offended and excuses to blame someone else for our misery and suffering. Resentment, this hostile desire for some advantage, is thus glorified, rather than ignored.
Understanding the concept of Ressentiment has more to do with love than hostility though. What Nietzsche misunderstood about Christianity is Love. He perceived the weaker sects of society as sapping the strength of the powerful ruling peoples, demanding to be cared for. His response was that society should return to the ancient pattern of conquerer crushing the conquered - strong ruling the weak. What Max Scheler argued is that Love is actually the strong bending to help the weak. This is a result of our understanding of God's nature and his love for us. The opportunity for the powerful to help the weak is an opportunity to express Love.
In marriage, resentment is a plague of destruction. It's not simply jealousy; it's wanting for the other person to make you their idol. It's becoming the bird of prey and making the other person your lamb for the picking. On the other hand, Ressentiment also requiring the other person to surrender their strengths in order to make you feel better about your own weaknesses. It's not creating an egalitarian community between partners, it's creating bitterness through this hostile desire for something that the other person has.
I think we all have had relationships with people, whether friends, family members or partners, in which we begin to dread their company because all they do is try to make us feel sorry for them. Or they try to inflict guilt on us because of something we have that they don't have. On the same note, we have all probably exercised our own resentment toward someone by highlighting our weaknesses and acting as though they "owe" us something to make up for it. I know I'm guilty of this. We might recognize it better as common manipulation. The outcome is destroyed relationships.
This week I'm praying for God's grace in protecting me from Ressentiment. I can't think of a quality I want to avoid more than this. I want be able to love people and be loved, without guilt, without manipulation, without the fear that they may discover and capitalize on a weakness, or that I may take advantage of their strength. In marriage, I don't want envy and resentment to breed bitterness and isolate us from each other. I want to love Jim, and create an egalitarian community where we can enjoy each other's strengths, and help each other in weakness.
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