The United States of "I don't have to take this" (Week of 10/28/10)

We live in a strange culture where we are supposed to be tolerant of everything except discomfort or suffering. The problem is that none of us can live in utter peace with each other. Conflict is a necessary and unavoidable part of life. So where does this attitude that assumes we don't have to put up with each other's differing opinions or behaviors come from? We are so focused on ourselves, on protecting our individual rights and privileges that we are blind to other people's same rights and needs.

In marriage, refusing to put up with the other's differences is not an option. The commitment of marriage is to be faithful in all circumstances - in sickness and in health, for better or worse. This includes when the other person fails to fulfill their end of the deal. But aren't there some circumstances when a wife should no longer stand for her husband's behavior? I don't expect that Jim will ever treat me badly or intentionally do hurtful things. But what about all those unintentional and careless acts I know he, as a man, is bound to commit? I think that marriage is the ultimate experiment in learning how not to be selfish; putting the other's needs above my own.

So my prayer this week is that God will give me the grace to bear the things I must and the wisdom to know when I should stand up against an offense. I think this is a matter of "picking your battles." There are some petty arguments I would probably really like to engage, but should let go for the sake of being loving, kind and patient. Then there will be some arguments that I must make for the sake of making good decisions for a better outcome.

In regards to rejoicing or finding joy in all things, I am really learning to trust that God uses ALL THINGS for good. There are going to be so many obstacles in our first year of marriage. Even as Jim begins moving into our new apartment this week, I already know that living together is going to present an array of challenges. In each of these challenges I pray that God will give us the grace to love each other as we have been praying each week leading up to our wedding.